Ocean Horse

Ocean Horse        
Melissa (In The Distance) (b. 1993)
Colored Pencils, 2009

CROE: i think that would sink like a stone

TARBOT: haha
“draw me a sea horse”
the artist went…
“hmmm…..”
and this is what she came up with

CROE: lol
the surface of the water is really pretty

TARBOT: mmm
nice lighting effects

CROE: the horse’s eye is kinda freaky

TARBOT: a little bit
like a wraith
maybe if the tail was longer, stronger… the horse would stand a chance of swimming

CROE: yeah
it just looks very unbalanced
maybe he could wear flippers on his front legs

TARBOT: heehee
and how’s he breathing, exactly?

CROE: he doesn’t need to. he’s a wraith
or do wraiths need oxygen? i don’t know much about the anatomy of wraiths
was not covered in my biology classes

A Love Aquatic

A Love Aquatic        
Sarah L. M. Adler (b. before 1984)
Letterpress, date unknown

TARBOT: aww
it’s like me and my cat’s first meeting
(she’s got huge eyes, too!)

CROE: lol
did you see hearts floating in midair?

TARBOT: so is it … 3 shared hearts, or are two on the fish’s side and only one on the funny looking man’s side
I definitely had a love at first sight moment with her yes
not sure about the floating bit

CROE: the hearts kind of fit, because they could be like air bubbles

TARBOT: oooooh!
yes
maybe this isn’t their first meeting
could be a frequent occurance

Vicissitudes

Vicissitudes        
Jason de Caires Taylor (b. 1974)
Cement as artificial reef, unknown date

TARBOT: It’s called Vicissitudes
(which, I had to look up)
They’re 4.5 meters underwater

CROE: if i was swimming along and i saw that, i would be pretty creeped out
where is it located?

TARBOT: Grenada, West Indies

CROE: Frederick Douglas has a chapter in his book titled The Vicissitudes of Slave Life
could they be slaves that fell off a boat?

TARBOT: oh my
they do look like they have shackles on their wrists
there’s just two types of “people” though
in the circle
as if they were copy-pasted
the artist must have been like, welp … I don’t got time to do more, so … Ctrl-C

Balaenidae

Balaenidae        
Skot Olsen (b. 1969)
Oil on Board, 2008

CROE: today we begin the ocean theme, per your request

TARBOT: oh holy bajeeeesus.

CROE: that would be a good name for it!

TARBOT: so it looks like the artist has several favorite animals
and he couldn’t choose which to portray
thus combined them all

CROE: i know! the cow belly just cracks me up!
plus i feel like the spout makes it a cutesy bunny rabbit

TARBOT: plus the “arms/hands” that you wouldn’t normally see in a fish

CROE: yeah what are those?

TARBOT: or other sea faring animal
T-rex style

CROE: did they have fingernails?

TARBOT: they didn’t have hands as far as I know
tractor beams from the eyes … very space-agey

CROE: :)
i kinda get a feeling the holy bajeesus whale monster is about to barf on the ship

TARBOT: a-hahahahaha
I can see that

CROE: maybe it finds the ship as revolting as we find the monster

The Bridge

The Bridge        
Inga Nielsen (b. 1983)
Digital, 2008

CROE: two things jump out at me:
we’re pulled forward, into the light in the painting
but the bridge travels in the opposite direction. it doesn’t take us where we want to go
and there are only two spots of color: the red sash, and the yellow lantern

TARBOT: yeah I’m loving the lantern
and how she’s left it behind for the time being

CROE: the detail work in the ivy and vines is spectacular
but how come i see vulvas in so many women’s paintings?
the white waterfall/cave entrance

TARBOT: hahaha
I think you’re projecting
I see nothing of the sort

CROE: it reminds me of the cave in belize
the womb of creation

TARBOT: she’s certainly not well dressed for a day of hiking

Cake of Bad Feng Shui

Cake of Bad Feng Shui        
Scott Hove (b. before 1985)
Acrylic and Mixed Media on Polyurethane Foam, 2010

TARBOT: oh good god
“In Mother Russia, you don’t eat cake. Cake eats you!!”

CROE: rawr

TARBOT: that’s a painting?
no it’s a …
3-d cake look a like right?

CROE: some of it is paint
yeah, it’s 3-d. there’s foam involved

TARBOT: this one reminds me of the alien in … Alien

CROE: did you see the mouth within a mouth

TARBOT: yes, um, that’s why the reference to the alien… from Alien
:p

CROE: right
it sold for $3,800

TARBOT: …

Not so crazy fish

Not-so-crazy fish        
Renae Taylor, b. 1974
Sculpture, date unknown

TARBOT: it’s … definitely crazy
I’ve never seen fish wear that much makeup

CROE: LOL
i kind of see a male fish in drag

TARBOT: lol
well from the side view… it honestly looks like an … older woman with a generous double chin

CROE: yeah i see that
did you see the eyelashes?

TARBOT: totally fake.
:)

CROE: i’m trying to figure out how to convey my outburst of laughter via im

TARBOT: heehee
roflmao?

CROE: my ass is still attached

TARBOT: a-hahahhaaha
haha

CROE: or rather, my ass is still on

TARBOT: it’s interesting – the whole thing is so strange, but the execution of it is so good in many respects
the painting of it
it looks seamless
like, oh sure, fish like that totally exist
wait… no they don’t!

12

12        
Vladimir Kush (b. before 1968)
Sculpture (metal), date unknown

TARBOT: It’s called “12”
cleverly so

CROE: i could see it on top of a birthday cake

TARBOT: what a depressing party that’d be
why do you think the man that’s bowing is shiny and the other one is not?

CROE: a few possibilities crossed my mind

TARBOT: do tell

CROE: well, it could be the same man, as a shiny, younger, naked man as the number 2
and the same guy, but older, and rougher for the years, as the number 1
or perhaps, a teacher and a disciple?
the shape of the 2 reminds me of someone subservient
what do you think?

TARBOT: oooo interesting on that first take
yeah the first thing that popped into my head was master and apprentice
(jedi master, to be precise)

The Neverending Search

The Neverending Search, or         
The Unattainable Search For Perfection
David Ho (b. before 1980)
Digital, date unknown (circa 1999-2010)

TARBOT: there’s so much to work with here!
thinking outside the box
catching dreams
frogs to kiss into princes
feeling trapped
the background looks like canvas at the back of a theatre stage

CROE: it does!
the stars and moon also
like they were hung infront of the backdrop

TARBOT: yeah
it’s an interesting mood that the lighting and colors capture, too
not sad, but not happy either

CROE: it does seem like the color scheme could have been inspired by a piece of granite
the gray tones with a touch of gold
the frog on top of the rock is in a yoga pose
i initially said that jokingly
but now i realize the name of the pose is sun salutation

TARBOT: yoga FTW

Cat’s Meditation

Cat’s Meditation        
Michael Parkes (b. 1944)
Lithography, date unknown (circa 2005-2009)

TARBOT: the two cats remind me of like, good and evil

CROE: it looks like evil is winning

TARBOT: heehee
I dunno, good looks like it’s about to strike

CROE: which one is good? which one is evil?

TARBOT: evil — I guess I was going with the black cat
how stereotypical of me
;)
not sure which cat is meditating, as the title implies
but the woman does look like she’s pondering something

CROE: all of the woman’s hair is in place. except for one strand

TARBOT: yeah, maybe she’s outside
nice breeze going

CROE: is she creating the golden balls? with her mind?

TARBOT: I was wondering about them — thought maybe she does magics.
:)

CROE: yeah
because the top ball is not as bright

TARBOT: maybe they’re the ideas that are “falling” out of her mind, and then she’s trying to decide what to do

CROE: mm

TARBOT: and so the evil and good parts of her are struggling with them

CROE: ooo! i like it!

TARBOT: the background looks surreal, too
so she could be outside, but it looks like she may be in a dream like state too
her right arm looks disproportionate
the bottom part is much longer than it would be normally

CROE: and she has some serious muscles
her biceps are huge

TARBOT: haha
I took them to be just the way the clothes fold around

CROE: ah ok
but the wrong proportions make it look like another vogue photoshop disaster

TARBOT: a what?

CROE: http://www.psdisasters.com/2010/07/vogue-and-dont-get-me-started-on.html

TARBOT: oh
yikes

CROE: drastic altering of images is so common for models in magazines that there are now blogs devoted to it

TARBOT: apparently it’s spreading to fantasy paintings, too

Gero Tan

Tan Tan Bo Puking – a.k.a. Gero Tan        
Takashi Murakami (b. 1963)
Acrylic on Canvas, May 2011

CROE: ok
so here it is

TARBOT: oh my!!
I can’t decide if I want to eat it
or throw up on it
I do love that blue (sky)
looks like maybe… an alien invasion
like those giant pac-mac lookalikes have just landed
and are shooting laser beam weapons etc
or throwing up ice cream on things
hah

CROE: here’s someone else’s take on it

TARBOT: I’m not sure what “Gero Tan” means, exactly

CROE: i don’t know either. japanese is not one of our combined seven languages

TARBOT: hehe
well it sorta looks like one of those children’s coloring books
and the child just went CRAZY with the colors

CROE: maybe it’s a self portrait of the artist
and it shows what he thinks of his method of creating art
it sort of reminds me of a creation myth story
like, this is how the world began

TARBOT: reminds me of the “execution” one
kinda dali-esque
lol – that’s what the reviewer says too
nice

CROE: so i picked this one because i had no clue what was going on. it just made me want to stare at it, in a perplexed, amused fashion
so i was curious what you thought
but maybe that’s the whole point
to make you say wtf

Mom?

Mom?        
Armen Atoyan (b. circa 1985)
Food and Office Supplies May 2011

TARBOT: I’m going to state the obvious here
I think we now know the answer to the age-old question

CROE: and now i have my mother’s day card for next year

TARBOT: hahaha

CROE: how lazy of the artist to show us the back of the egg, so we have to do all the work and imagine a facial expression

TARBOT: on one hand
but on the other … he did cook an entire chicken

CROE: or he bought it from boston market
i’m having a difficult time believing that the egg has enough dexterity to write “to mother” with the hands that the artist has given him

TARBOT: lol

TARBOT: great handwriting at that
clipwriting?

CROE: clipwriting?

TARBOT: well … he’s got clips for hands…

CROE: i do like the choice of the wall color behind the scene
the color is egg yolk
it’s like, if for us, the color of the wall was blood

TARBOT: that’s fantastic.
well done, mr. Atoyan
well done
… um, no pun intended!

CROE: oyy

Execution at Calvary

Execution at Calvary        
Anatoly Fomenko (b. 1945)
Illustration for the novel
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov,
circa 1999

TARBOT: whoa
trippy
reminiscent of escher
can’t even tell which way I’m supposed to look at it!
also reminds me of the ringworld books
well, I’m only several pages in … through the first book
but it promises to be a good tale

CROE: this artist, anatoly fomenko, is a russian topologist

TARBOT: oooh interesting
those white .. drapey fabric looking things remind me of dali
also like a hand that’s coming out

CROE: yeah
is the hand a deity?

TARBOT: with a rather largely disproportionate thumb

CROE: or an evil slime alien?

TARBOT: I was thinking that myself – it’s possible

CROE: perhaps they are one and the same

TARBOT: the people look like they’re running in fear
or at least cowering
cept for the dude on the bike

VictoriAlien Romance

VictoriAlien Romance        
Jimmie Fisher (b. before 1985)
Digital, circa December, 2010

TARBOT: ok here we go

CROE: where is his face?

TARBOT: that is the billion dollar Q
maybe he had a powerful sneeze
could be what’s on her face…

CROE: ewwwwwwwwww

TARBOT: “worst date ever”

CROE: reminds me a bit of alien, the film

TARBOT: mmm

CROE: like, either his face could be blown off
or it’s turned into a big mouth

TARBOT: haha

CROE: ready to bite

TARBOT: “gives us a kissssss, precious!”

CROE: ewwwwwww

TARBOT: I bet that the original is floating out there somewhere… so the other question is — why did the artist decide to … alter it in this way?

CROE: perhaps it’s a psa for allergies?
take your claritin. or. else.

TARBOT: hahahahaha
“don’t let this happen to you. claritin.”

Betty, Meg and Little Judy

Betty, Meg and Little Judy        
Donald Roller Wilson (b. 1938)
Oil, 2003 (or 2008)

      Conversation ensues…

TARBOT: ok here is the painting
               I am completely mystified and terribly intrigued
    CROE: uhhhhhhhh
               i need a moment to gather myself
TARBOT: haha
    CROE: that was kind of the artist to give everyone a name
TARBOT: yeah
               (did I mention… priced at $30,000?)
    CROE: impressive.
               so the setting reminds me of a fairytale
               the cat as well – like puss in boots
TARBOT: mmm, ok yeah I can see that
               the bows, definitely Lady Gaga-esque
    CROE: yes. a fashion statement? or an elaborate attempt to hide
               something
               or to dress it up
               like a monkey in a bow…is still a monkey
TARBOT: oooh
    CROE: the animals are all dressed in human clothing, but their facial
               expressions reveal they are still animals
TARBOT: I’m SO very curious about the bubbles
               where did they come from?
               why did the artist choose to include them?
               how are cats and monkeys considered half-siblings?
               ok that last question was not bubble-related, but confounding
               nonetheless

Whitewash

INSPIRATION (BRIGHT IDEAS FROM THE HOLE IN MY SOUL) [REVISITED]        
Luke Chueh (b. 1973)
Acrylic and Ink, 2007

      Conversation ensues…

    CROE: the title is “whitewash”
TARBOT: oh goodness me hahaha
               I didn’t realize bears had light bulbs for hearts
    CROE: me neither!
               but how come there’s not blood on the lightbulb?
TARBOT: good point… the heat must have melted it off
    CROE: lol
TARBOT: caption should read: self-surgery performed by a licensed bear
               surgeon. do not attempt at home.
    CROE: yes.
TARBOT: OR – maybe it was dark in there and so the bear was all like,
               wtf happened to my chest? let me turn on a light… and that’s
               what we’re seeing
    CROE: ohhhhh
TARBOT: so he’s as equally confused as we are